So I was innocently reading the news the other day, when I was forcibly mugged by a sudden urge to run amok with a flamethrower in a press office somewhere. #
This red mist was caused by the following response by a spokesweasel, to the release of some evidence showing that people who have had their benefits reduced due to recent reforms are, shock horror, having a rough time and experiencing some difficulties. Here it is. You may want to ask someone to keep sharp objects away from you for, ooh, say half an hour or so.
“There is no conclusive evidence that people affected by welfare reform are not getting the help they need”
What? What the actual what? Let’s hear that again.
“There is no conclusive evidence that people affected by welfare reform are not getting the help they need”
Yes, the weasel really said that. When asked what the official position was on the evidence that something was happening, the weasel said there was no actual evidence that what was actually happening was in fact actually happening.
I despair. I would name the weasel’s organisation, but what’s the point? There are whole nests of weasels in organisations all over the world, and nobody would even be surprised. So let’s just turn the matter over to Terry Pratchett, who in his superb style sums it up beautifully.
“It was garbage, but it had been cooked by an expert. Oh, yes. You had to admire the way perfectly innocent words were mugged, ravished, stripped of all true meaning and decency, and then sent to walk the gutter for Reacher Gilt, although “synergistically” had probably been a whore from the start. … No one was sorry for anything, because no living creature had done anything wrong; bad things had happened by spontaneous generation in some weird, chilly, geometrical otherworld, and “were to be regretted.” *
* Another bastard phrase that’d sell itself to any weasel in a tight corner.”
Going Postal, Chapter 11
I’m trying to think of some mitigating circumstance under which a human being could say this without flinching. Gun to the head? Family held hostage? I just don’t know. Even psychopaths can manage to convincingly pretend to care. So what is going on here? I guess this weasel really is convinced that the few tens of thousands of human beings now one step closer to financial meltdown can be safely written off as statistical outliers.
# No, not you guys that I work with. Don’t be silly. You’re perfectly safe. Honest.
Lost in policy 
Where’s my flamethrower?